Zach’s Season Record: 83-68
Twitter: @ZachSelwyn1
That damn SpaceX space shuttle came closer to hitting that UFO a couple of days ago than Paul George came to hitting his shots on Monday night. In the words of Bob Geldof and the Boomtown Rats, “I don’t like Mondays.” Especially when I put money on PG and Luka Dončić, who are probably two of the most unreliable superstars to bet on in the NBA today, and they just suck. No better word for it. I know you think I’m just an angry bettor here. But the bottom line is this: Without a second go-to scorer on the court, these guys can’t carry a team. Which is probably why PG13 has been on 12 teams in 4 years or something. Maybe when Kawhi is back, I’ll bet the Clippers again, but not today… I’m pulling a Damian Lillard and waving “bye-bye” to betting on George and the Clippers.
Luka is another story, and I’m dedicating a feature story to it next week. So, let’s keep it light and look at the fact that the most exciting news story from yesterday was the fact that Paul “PIPE” Pierce posted his post-ESPN plans with video imagery of about 25,000 pot plants at a grow house.
Some ideas for Paul Pierce’s signature weed strains: “The J-Hawk,” “2008 NBA Champion-Dica” (get it like, INDICA?), and “Truth Serum.” Alright, those are terrible. Submit your best Paul Pierce weed strain names. The winner gets a pre-roll from Hollywood.
Chicago Bulls @ New York Knicks: New York Knicks -4 (-110)
Point Total: Over 207.5 (-125)
The New York Knicks’ success story has been delayed more than the REAL IDs we are all supposed to have received by now as Americans. If you read my column yesterday you know that I’m loving this New York Knicks team right now, and even though CP3 and the Suns ended their 9 game winning streak, they won’t stay down for long – especially tonight against the Chicago Bulls. This Knicks win by 4 is very doable – especially with my Kirby Buckets TV show co-star ZACH LAVINE still out due to health and safety protocols. (IMDB me, bitch.) Take the Knicks to come back from that PHX loss and blow through the Windy City.
207.5 seems VERY LOW in this game. As limited as the Bulls are without LaVine, they still have capable scorers. Vučević, Coby White, etc. can all light it up. I’d take the over here and expect the Knicks to put in 114 by themselves alone.
Atlanta Hawks @ Philadelphia 76ers: Atlanta +7.5 (+100)
Point Total: Over 220 (+140)
Since March 1, the HAWKS have the BEST RECORD in the East. All the stat-cast critics out there are saying that Atlanta’s 7 wins in 10 games is a sign of a turnaround and that the 76ers are growing complacent like Princess Diana knowing that Charles was schtoinking Camille Parker Bowles their entire marriage. (Anyone else watching The Crown?) – didn’t think so. Whatever, the Sixers are legit and with both these teams on a day’s rest, so is it naive to think that the Sixers can easily cover a 7.5-point spread? YES – I’m taking the HAWKS. Not to win, but to lose by less than 8.
Points-wise, yeah… 220. Hmm. I might say that if the 76ers’ Embiid, Simmons, Harris, and Milton hit their shots it’s an easy OVER. But the Hawks also took the red-hot Knicks to OT and with 9 players averaging double figures in scoring, this is an OVER bet for me. I may even say this is an overtime game…
By the way – “Knicks and Hawks” sounds like a stupid hipster pocket knife shop. But I’m still taking both teams – even though this column has taken me longer to write tonight than it took Britney Spears to finally ask a court to review her conservatorship.
Welcome to KNICKS and HAWKS.
Pocket knives start at $79.99…
